First entry

I never thought I would start I blogging.  I guess I needed a place to vent off, like my pillow when I feel like screaming without panicking my roommates.  I've been having issues about lots of stuff all my life.  Since august 2010, it went pretty much downhill.  I'll try to keep this short and simple.
A little over 7 years ago, I met this Russian girl who was into role-playing games and gothic stuff.  Fell wildly in love right away.  I will call her Tatyana for anonymity purposes.  We were a great match.  I was kicked out of the family nest half-way through college, dropped out and moved-in with her in a REALLY tiny apartment. We started recruiting players for vampire LARPs (Vampire: The MasqueradeTM by White WolfTM. Great pen-and-paper RPG) and ended up with a circle of friends that became like family.  It is among them that I proposed to Tatyana on a new year's eve party.  She said yes.  I went back to school, worked the night shift as a security guard and studied at work.  I got a degree in multimedia but I was poor, had gained 30 pounds and had no job.  She dumped me about a month before the wedding and started dating another guy while we still lived under the same roof.  I started dating to. I stayed in there for a few more months, sleeping in an improvised bedroom without real privacy.  It is in that awkward environment that I brought my rebounds for romantic purposes.  I could hear Tatyana and her BF fuck once in a while so I developed the habit of keeping an mp3 player at hand.  A few months and 4 girlfriends later, I finally moved out and found some peace.  I still see Tatyana about twice a month because with are both larpers and gamers and we both want to hang on to our little geeky family.  We are still in speaking terms and she now lives with the other guy.

Since I moved in July, I made enough money to take some time for myself. I started writing and thinking about where I'm at while exercising and dieting. I am now 155 pounds instead of 180 and even gained a little muscle. 
For a while in there, I had it all: Sex, decent money, health and good looks.
Am I happy? No.
Was it worth the effort? Yes.

I have learned so much about myself in the last few months and most of it come from the time I invested with dates, girlfriends, friends with benefit and foster big sisters.  I even made a long distance friend in Texas and she can be very helpful.  The sad part is that I also learned a lot about human nature and social behaviors... it sickens me.  I am now standing on edge of a cliff with misanthropy, misogyny, depression and/or anti-social behavior at the bottom of it.  This blog is an attempt to make a step back, gain some perspective and hopefully, back away from the cliff.  What about other bloggers?  Some of you guys must be looking for closure too.